The True Powerhouses of MLB: Who Deserves Our Appreciation?
In the grand world of the MLB, the Major League Baseball, I find myself at a loss of whom to direct my gratitude towards. I am bursting at the seams with a fervent desire to express my thankfulness, but alas, I am unsure of the recipient. It’s like a scene from a Shakespearean comedy, where the protagonist is left with a heartfelt monologue, but no audience to deliver it to.
You see, the Houston Astros, those notorious fellows, have been ousted from the game. They’ve been banished, exiled, and sent packing. No longer a part of this grand tapestry we call baseball, they’ve been relegated to the annals of history. It’s as if they’ve been erased from the MLB’s version of the periodic table. And for that, someone deserves my deepest gratitude.
This event, this monumental shift in the baseball cosmos, is what I’ve aptly named “The Great Progression.” Just like the Houston Astros, who have been metaphorically reduced to mere ashtrays, are no longer a part of this grand narrative. And someone, somewhere, has done this. They’ve made a decision that will echo in the halls of baseball history. And for that, I must say, thank you.
But who, oh who, should I be thanking? Is it the MLB itself, the grand orchestrator of this baseball symphony? Or perhaps it’s the MLB Players Association, the union of the men who bring this game to life? Who should be the recipient of my effusive praise? Who should I metaphorically pat on the back, raise a glass to, and say, “Job well done, old sport!”?
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Thank you, dear unknown entity, for ridding the world of these baseball miscreants. Thank you for ensuring that the cheaters, the rule-breakers, and the unsportsmanlike are not given the opportunity to tarnish the sanctity of this beloved game. But who are you, my mysterious benefactor?
As an avid observer and student of humanity, I understand that cheating is a part of our nature. It’s as common as breathing, as universal as the stars in the sky. We’ve all thought about it, haven’t we? From not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign to tipping less than we should, we’ve all dabbled in the art of dishonesty.
And let’s not forget about overeating, that most human of transgressions. Eating more than our calorie intake, that’s cheating too, isn’t it? It’s like violating the sacred baseball code of conduct. And for that, there’s no place for you in the MLB Hall of Fame, right, dear voters?
But let’s not dwell on the past. Let’s look to the future, to the next voting cycle. Let’s embrace the truth, not the alternative facts. Because, dear MLB, you’ve done something right. You’ve risen to the occasion, climbed to the peak of the mountain, and made a decision that benefits us all.
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So, thank you, MLB. Thank you for eliminating the Houston Astros from the conversation. Thank you for ensuring that they are not a part of this…this…what do we call this thing? A trophy? A symbol of victory? Whatever it is, the Astros are no longer a part of it.
Normally, I’d be ranting and raving, veins bulging out of my neck, screaming at the sky. But not today. Today, I’m here to say thank you. Because cheaters never win. They never prosper. And if they try, well, they’re sent packing. Just like the Astros.
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So, thank you, MLB. Thank you for doing the right thing. Thank you for making baseball a game we can all be proud of. And for that, I am eternally grateful.